It's been a while...

I haven't updated in a while... mostly because I know nobody reads this and 2... I have been trying to keep busy so I don't think about Lincoln's biopsy results that are STILL not in.  So much for 5-7 business days it's been almost 2 weeks.  I called the other I need more information.  Or a mighty xanax.  zanax however you spell it.  My whole body is tense and I don't realize it is until I make myself relax.  We better know soon and he better be okay.  More later I am going to do something... probably clean even though I don't want to so I stop thinking about what is actually going on.  OH and it's Father's Day!  Happy Father's day. 

GOOOOD MORNING vietnam...

Not really Vietnam... Good morning Temecula... or wherever the heck you are. One week from today Lincoln will be having his biopsy done. I can't wait until it's over and he is healed. :)

The 7th, Lymphoma??? and cupcakes

I feel sick right now. I probably shouldn't be blogging while I am down but the kids are finally asleep and I feel like typing. I don't know what I blogged last. We went to Loma Linda and the dr has decided that since Lincoln's lymph nodes have gotten bigger and have now spread into him underarms and groin area that it is time to biopsy and check for lymphoma. The biopsy will be on the 7th. I want to throw up, cry, punch something and have Taylor hug me all at the same time. Some moments I am fine. Life goes on... we found Lilly and Captain a new home. Since Cap is now not on the porch we decided that maybe adding a few happy decorations to the area would lift our spirits. We went to Big Lots and Kmart. Got flowers, a wind chime and seat cushions. I then found a cute little tikes swing set with a slide and a swing on craigslist. The people happened to live right around the corner and the price was right. I was really happy. Link only got to play on it for a bit. We will go out and spend some time on the patio tomorrow. :) It's nice to be able to hang out there. The tree in front of our place has gotten big enough to shade the area from the sun. I miss Captain but I am SO HAPPY that we found him a good home. That was our Memorial Day. Still in the back of my mind I keep thinking about the 7th. Lincoln's surgery. The biopsy. Either my baby has cancer or he doesn't. Either this will give us answers or it's back to the drawing board. I feel for the first time that it's out of my hands. I have pushed and pushed for these doctors to help. Now... they are doing what I have asked and it scares me to know what is going on in his little body. I pray that he doesn't have cancer. I pray that if he does he is able to fight it. I don't know what is ahead of us I just know that no matter what... we will get through this. He will be okay. I want to say that I know he doesn't have lymphoma. Everytime he turns his neck and I see those lumps in his neck it makes me wonder if maybe I am wrong. Makes me wonder if he does HOW... how could this happen? Is it what he is eating? Where we live? Our pets? Our detergent? Our house? Is it environmental? I can drive myself crazy trying to protect him but I don't know what to protect him from. At times I feel helpless and at other times I feel empowered. It's like a rollercoaster of normal and scared. I hate it. For the first time in so long things are so good. Taylor and I are good. Life is good and now this. Nothing in the world seems to matter as long as your kids aren't healthy. It's funny how just a few months ago I would want to shop or go to forever 21 and spend money on things that 'made me happy'. At this point the idea of shopping or clothes or shoes or makeup just doesn't seem to matter. Instead our money is being spent on food. Good food. Healthy food and I hope it's helping. I know it is. Maybe it is my imagination but I sorta feel judged. I don't think there is any way that anyone can possibly understand what I am feeling unless you have seen your child sick like this. The more you learn the more it tears you away from what is mainstream. Food... activities... birthday parties... it's amazing how EVERYTHING seems to revolve around food and a certain way of thinking... My normal isn't the same normal as everyone else's anymore. I am okay with that. I think it is time for me to find people who have the same normal as my family so my kids don't feel like hippy freaks. :) LOL but really... I understand why people homeschool. I get it... it's hard to see your 2nd grader come home from school with blue frosting all over his face while he is jumping all over the couch and can hardly talk to you because he is so hopped up on sugar. I really didn't give it much thought. I would think "SWEET! You got to eat fun food at school!" and now I am horrified thinking "HOW DID YOU GET THAT?!?' School policy says parents can't take sugary foods in! I know it's totally acceptable for the rest of the world to eat cupcakes and popsicles but if you had any idea what hoops i jump through to make sure my kids don't have that. I dunno... just what's on my mind right now. Thinking of starting a play group with families that have food allergies/sensitivities/intolerances. Just seems like the thing to do... Have people understand not only because they are family and love us but to meet people that understand because they are going through the same thing as my family. It's very easy to blow off all that we hear about food and blah blah blah about organic is better, gluten is bad, processed food is okay sometimes... until you or your kids are sick. Until you aren't sure if your toddler is going to be okay... until you are holding him at night and he is screaming in pain in your arms... until your newborn is pooping blood and then you know... it's time to start digging. It's time to start doing your own research for answers and not only learning everything you can about getting your family better but actually taking the initiative and DOING IT. For the first month I craved junk food and I missed my oreos, coffee and pasta. Now the idea of having it in my house really bothers me. Ignorance in this case isn't bliss... it's sick little kids. I'm going to fix it! But first... I need to clean the kitchen and get some sleep!

Thursday....

So... Everything seems to be going well. Dylan's thrush is FINALLY under control. I kept calling to say that the Nystatin wasn't working and they finally gave him a stronger prescription. I don't know what is worse.... taking a low does every day 4 times a day and not having it work or a stronger medication for 7 days and have it work. I hate giving the kids medicine but this diflucan is doing it's thang. Thrush is almost gone. It is no longer coating the insides of his mouth but he does have the remainder of a a thrush rash all along his bottom lip down almost to his chin. Poor Dah. He won't keep his little hands out of his mouth and his drool won't let the red patches heal.

So... I am wondering if maybe corn could be a problem for Dylan. The other day he had stool that had tiny bits of normal in it compared to the usual slime. (gross I know but nobody is making you read this) I am so mad at myself for not keeping a food diary. So now.. Caffeine free, Dairy Free, soy free, wheat free and gluten free.... what's corn anyway... Can't be too hard to cut it out for a week and see how it goes. I am hoping it's not egg or tomato but I will get there... first things first I gotta start somewhere.

I am reading Dr Dorris Rapp's book. She is heaven sent for a mom like me. She is full of so much information it's crazy. She makes it so easy to understand too.

Trying to go more organic with food and slowly replacing household items with more natural ones as we run out. Cleaners, deoderant.... wish I had the money to toss all this crap in the trash and buy everything all natural.

I am talking to a rescue about Captain. Hopefully they will find him a home soon.
Lilly has been adopted by Lara. :) I will miss her but I am so so so so so happy that she is with them. I couldn't have thought up a better home for her. The location... everything. Nolan is having a bit of a hard time but he is dealing with it pretty well. I think he knows he can see her whenever as long as they have her.

Since Lilly is gone I have been deep cleaning like crazy. So far I have only done our closet- goodwill clothing and items that we don't put to use, vacuum like crazy, clean baseboards, dust. I have done our bathroom- bleached any mold spots, got rid of all makeup and products that are just sitting taking up space. Our bedroom- new organic sheets that are SOOO cute washed in 7th generation detergent. Lots of removing dust and cat hair that you can't even SEE until you clean the hepa filter in the vacuum. Feels good to at least have that done. I will continue with the upstairs and do the boys bathroom. The laundry and the kids room... sounds easy, right? It will probably take me a week. LOL

dr switch and lost referrals! :(

So Dr Becker has been a great help...
1st visit- Full physical, no dairy (done), No Soy (on it), TB test for Link, thrush treatment for Dylan
2nd visit (2 days later)- check Links TB (not sure if it's positive- told to come back tomorrow- Becker orders STAT blood work on Link)
Later that day... got Xray results abnormal. (diffusley prominent interstitial markings and bronchial cuffing. cannot exclude infiltrate at right lunch base), Start freaking out and wanting to burst into tears. Pick up Nolan from his friends house. Try to relax while waiting for the blood work talk to a few family friends in the medical field. Go to a Bluesleeves family softball game and the Dr calls to say that BLOOD WORK IS NORMAL. phew. I can breathe. I feel my entire body relax not even knowing I was tense to begin with.
Visit #3 The following day. Still unsure about the TB test results since it is borderline but most likely normal. We will find out in bloodwork soon. Not worried about it though.

Mother's day came and went. Had a good day. :) Nolan gave me a card with a dollar in it. :) I love him.

Today I called to check on our referrals ENT, GI and Allergist and we have lost all 3 since we switched providers. So we push on. Hopefully I don't have to push at all. Hopefully Dr Becker will reorder them and we can just start over. I'm upset but there is nothing I can do at this exact moment so maybe I will take the little ones to get my oil changed. It's a little windy but it will be nice to get out of the house and concentrate on something else.

Nolan lost a tooth last night. :)
Dylan is starting to giggle. :)
anddnnndndnddd Lincoln just woke uP!!!!! gotta get him! :)

BECKER!

I have been waiting for May since the beginning of April. At the start of April my kids were both sick and I had just changed to Pediatric Partners since Dr Pillai wasn't helping us as quickly as I wanted. Well my kids had a rough April and Pediatric Partners didn't find it urgent enough to see my kids even with a fever so they sent us each time to urgent care (who then tells us to follow up with our ped who we can't get into!). We made it through the month. DARN my insurance for only letting us try one dr a month. I am so happy that May is here and I am hopeful that Dr Becker will be able to help us. So excited that I have booked the kids appts on the 3rd and 4th even though the 3rd falls on my birthday! Funny how I have been wanting a Dr. who will listen to me and if this happens on my birthday it will be the best birthday gift I have ever gotten.

My toe is finally feeling better. Hurts when I bend it but the bruising is gone and the swelling is almost down. My ankle is still a little sore but WAY better! I ran up the stairs yesterday and reminded myself how freaking rad it is to be able to move. Ohhhh the stuff we take for granted! ha.

Taylor and I had a talk last night about our kids and the food they eat. I get really annoyed when there is food in the house that has dairy in it. I can't eat it, Lincoln can't eat it. Everytime I leave the house it's in my face and everytime Link gets into the pantry I am hoping he doesn't get into Taylor's food. I just want it to be safe here. No screaming and crying because Lincoln saw something his dad is eating. It makes me mad, sad and frustrated that he and I can't have anything we want.

Did I blog about the nachos?? I don't remember but my poor link had a few nachos at Nolan's game not too long ago and sure enough he woke up from a nap shortly after we got home and he was screaming. His diaper had leaked diahrea all over himself, the bed and the carpet. He was crying and seemed to be in pain. When he gets like that it's almost like he doesn't want us touching him. He went to Taylor but he was still screaming non stop for about 20 minutes and still wasn't back to himself for about an hour after he had woken up. Taylor showered him and I washed the sheets but seeing him like that after just a bit of dairy is so frustrating! I hate that it hurts him so badly. We felt horrible. It was the first bit of dairy he had eaten since we took it away in Feb. It just reminds me of when I had french toast with dairy and saw the blood in Dylan's diaper. Reminds me to keep going and keeps me on track.

Okay... gotta clean. doing hair today!

life... and my trip down the stairs

Nolan is visiting Grandma Kathy. He was very excited to share with me all the fun things they have planned. It's funny cause when he is here he seems like such a big boy next to the babies but on the phone he still sounds like my little baby. I miss him. I miss his little ADD self running around and bouncing off the walls and begging to go play outside. :) He will be home on Friday. Jim is bringing him when he comes to visit.

Link is doing good still has the swollen node although it is a lot smaller right now than last week. The ENT has decided that we are going to go ahead and perform surgery on the largest lymph node to have it biopsied. It scares me but I just have this feeling in my heart that he will be okay. He has also go a bit of a rash that I am trying to clear up... hoping it's not a yeast related rash. :/ grrr He was in a diaper for a while while I was doing hair at my mom's. I don't think his skin is used to sitting in a gross diaper. It's already looking a lot better but I still see thrush on his toungue. I want the new Dr to see it so I haven't even tried treating it.

Dylan is stuffy again. Fussy and I am hoping this passes quickly. I don't want him getting another ear infection...

and then there is me. I tripped and fell down the garage stairs with an armful of hair product with the kids in the car. I just sat there on the floor stunned thinking I had just broke both of my ankles but I am okay. I ended up going anyway and did hair for 7 hours then drove home. I am proud of myself for making it there for everyone that was counting on me but I am thinking now I should have rested. I am pretty sure I broke my left toe. It's black and blue and all the toes are swollen. My left ankle seems to be sprained. Even though I was on my feet all yesterday the adrenaline has totally worn off and I can hardly walk. I tried walking on my knees and now I am pretty much crawling around the house to tend to the kiddos. I pretty much have gotten everything in one spot and that has made it a lot easier. I am on the couch surrounded by two sleeping little ones, diapers, wipes, powder, nystatin, crumbled up egg that Lincoln spread everywhere, cell phone, house phone, the remote control and a pen and paper. Going to the bathroom has been interesting since we have 3 levels. I have resorted to crawling up the stairs and then bouncing down on my butt all while hoping that Lincoln isn't squashing Dylan. I can't carry them right now... that's been fun. I can't wait for Taylor to get home so I can crawl upstairs and brush my teeth and have him make some food. I am starving... and I really don't want another hard boiled bright colored Easter egg... I should sleep while these kids are asleep. I was pretty uncomfotable last night on the couch and everytime I would move in my sleep the pain would wake me up. So much for pain meds since I am nursing the baby! :)

Quick update just so i can refer back to dates if I need to

We are all getting over a cold... still.

Dylan has thrush still congested still bad poop

Link is runny and a tiny tiny bit of congestion

Nolan still has dark circles and dry patches on his face

Called Dr #1's office for exact results of blood work and exact allergy #'s from test done in Sept. and IT WAS NEVER taken. Even after I specifically asked "HOW WAS THE ALLERGY TEST" and she said "all tests came back normal." idiot. I am so mad at myself for not asking to see proof of this test. Aren't we supposed to trust our dr's?? Had she completely forgotten what she said she would test for and then just saw too many people in between visits and had forgotten that I specifically asked for him to be blood allergy tested with that lab work and she said she would?!?! F I was SO MAD. I went in yesterday to get the kids files from her office I am SO DONE WITH DR #1. Picking up the kids medical files tomorrow. Can't wait until May to get this show on the Road with Dr#4. Hoping there won't be a Dr #5

Hi world... I am in a better mood today!

Made these amazing peanut butter cookies tonight. Google "paula deen magical peanut butter cookies" They were bomb diggity. That means very good. :) Heaven for me since I have been craving a baked good. Of any kind. It's been a while since I have had a bite of bread or cookie or ANYTHING breadlike since I gave up wheat. Of course most cookies have flour and that's a no no right now. These cookies were so easy and delicious! Nolan and I went to church this morning. Taylor was upset at us for leaving. I don't care anymore. I am going to start going alone. I have been asking him since we got back together if he would go with me and he won't. So today... Nolan and I went. :) And I am so happy that we did. Nolan had a great time is his 2-3 grader class. He even had 2 friends from school in his class! He had a lot of fun and asked if I would buy him a bible since he didn't have one. He wants to go back next week! I am so happy. :) I really want my kids to go and have the morals and values taught at church. :) The little ones are still sick but doing better. Dylan is stuffy and still has thrush but I am happy to say Monistat (crotch cream) worked a miracle on his yeast diaper rash! It kicked the yeastie beasties butt in about 24 hours! So happy about that! Still has thrush in the mouth but he is doing okay. :) Link has a cough still and is coughing and sneezing like it's goin out of style. I think I may try a netti pot on him tonight to clear out the gunk. He just looks so miserable. I feel horrible that he is getting over a sinus infection. :( Taylor and I had a long talk today and worked out a lot of issues that are going on. It was much needed and time for us to vent. We had a great rest of the day making dinner together and just hanging out on the couch. <3 I love him... but he sure can be a butthead. Feels so good when things are good! :) Nolan has come downstairs about 50 times tonight for random reasons.. the kid just will not go to bed!!!!!!!

My washer is eating my clothes

It's eating holes in my clothes and one of my favorite shirts has a tiny hole. Lincoln just said "oh wass dat mommy" then he stuck his finger in it and ripped it into a whole the size of a dime. Thank you Lincoln. Little monster! :)

sicky kids day 5...

I feel like a dispensary! I am loving my chalkboard frigde to document who had what when. Allergy meds, antibiotics, probiotics, nystatin... Man alive every 12 hours, ever 4 hours, 4 times a day and at every diaper change. Goodness gracious. :) But... they are doing better today. No high fevers for a while now. Nolan-game today which I am missing to take care of the babies. I don't like missing his games. It bothers me and I hope he understands that I would be there if I could. It has been freezing, windy and rainy. I was hoping this game would get rained out but it didn't. Taylor is head coaching today and we are on snacks. Hope they win and I can't wait to have them home so I can hear all about it. Lincoln- boogery mess with a sinus infection green snot and a cough. Dr at a A+ urgent care prescribed him amox and an allergy med to help dry up his gunk. Sick. It's draining out of his eyes in the AM He slept really well despite being congested Dah- Slept well. Still having to wash dry and apply cream at every diaper change and his thrush rash is getting a little better as long as I don't skip and check his diaper every 15 minutes or so. Lame. I hate thrush. He still has it in his mouth but I don't think it's going to clear up 100% till the amox is done. Gave him tylenol last night because he was crying in pain from what seemed to be his ears. He won't lay flat while he has an ear infection. Me... I'm tired and Lincoln threw his sippy cup at my face this morning while I was sleeping. I have a lump just under my brow bone and a red line across it. Overall I slept well even with Taylor gone at work and 3 kids in my bed. All the kids and myself are now on probiotics. It is even helping Dylan handle the amox it seems. His poop isn't as bad. I am so happy my kids are feeling a little bit better. This medicine schedule is exhausting me though... but it's working

Amoxicillin-love hate relationship!

So my diet has been the same. NO WHEAT NO DAIRY and Dylan was finally starting to come around! Finally could see some "fatty deposits" in his stool instead of green slime and now tonight it seems to be that directly after his amoxicillin he is having horrible stools again. I HATE THIS. I hate that I am trying so damn hard and it's not working. Sometimes I feel like I am doing this for nothing because the results are so slow. I eat dairy he bleeds so I know I have the proof. I go off of wheat and it clears up even more but nights like this make me want to punch something. I was googling like crazy every single thing I have consumed over the past few days and I'm clear. I know it's the medicine and it seems other parents are having the same issues with amox and their milk protein allergy kids. UGHHH Why the heck do you need to add malt (dairy-in some brands), food coloring and so many additives?! I was going to wait to start the kids on probiotics but it's looking like their little systems (at least Dylan's) can't handle this amox. His thrush is getting worse despite being treated and now he has a yeast diaper rash. I am so torn. After seeing him so uncomfortable for almost 3 days and knowing he has a painful double ear infection I just want to help him heal. I will go as many days or the full 10 days if I think it's helping but if I see blood again I am tossing the antibiotics in the trash. I am SOOO MAD! I wish I had a Dr to call but I have tried calling the dr's office and when I say we have IEHP they say that the soonest we can be helped is 2 weeks. They refer me to urgent care but these kids need a Dr that can see them same day and that will have a chart on them to help me piece all of this together. I understand our insurance is for poor people but my kids need a dr. Don't take medi-cal if you don't like dealing with medi-cal patients. So Dr #3 we won't ever see and Dr #4 we don't have clearance until May 1st. I can't wait until May 1 so I can start them at Dr.#4 that also has a holistic and allergy background. CAN NOT WAIT. Until then I feel once again like my hands are tied. The GI Specialist STILL has not returned my calls and when I look him up online he has 2 stars out of 5 with over 20 people rating him! Fabulous! With amazing comments such as- "thinks he is God" (sounds like a great dr, right??) and "tries to prescribe over phone so he doesn't have to be bothered with office appts." (now I know he is capable of phone use so CALL ME BACK!- Don't make me drive to Riverside with my sick crying kids) The other day when I was at the health food store the lady noticed the white patches on Nolan's cheeks and "allergic shiners" under his eyes and asked if I was aware that it is also a sign of a food related allergy and said I should have him allergy tested "just to be sure". She was very nice and very knowledgeable but I know she was thinking "I hope this mom realizes that this is effecting all of her kids and not just the babies". I know this... but how do you make a kid change his eating habits while his dad is popping pizzas in the microwave and chowing down fast food. Seriously... you don't want to read my blog when I vent. I am in a horrible frustrated mood dealing with 2 kids that are sick and having no sleep since Tuesday. So enough for now... I am putting myself in a bad mood. :(

OHHH YA!!!!!!!

We have got good poop! Seriously! Since the end of February tonight diaper was the BEST I have seen. No blood and hardly any mucous! The things that sucks is that I cut out wheat. The thing that's great is that it's working! I am hoping and praying that it just gets better from here. Good job Dylan for making good poop. Very weird but I am very proud of your body. :) LOL Link's had a fever on and off for the past 2 days. Hoping whatever he has he is able to fight on naturally. I am on the lookout for anything that might land us in urgent care. So far it seems to just be a fever, cough and runny nose. If it continues I will take him in. Dylan cried all night long. I tried holding him and sleeping sitting up and everytime i slipped down too low he would wake up. During the day today he would not let me put him down. Happy Dah was not so happy. We grabbed Nolan from school, went to urgent care. Dylan has thrush (this I knew) and a double ear infection (I had a feeling). We were prescibed nystatin and amoxicillin. After that I went to the health food store to get some probiotics. Never used them before but I hear it works wonders to get your body back on track so you don't develope thrush. We are already a step behind since he has thrush prior to this round of antibiotics. His thrush makes it hurt to nurse. His little mouth looks like it has white patches and they almost look like sores. I very easily can contract thrush from him so I am having to wash and sanitize everything. Sometimes that means running around with my boobays hanging out so they can air out! LOL Taylor just thinks I am crazy. :) In the process of all of this I got my tattoo worked on Sat night I was favoring my right breast for nursing since it was sensitive on the left. I am a loser and ended up with mastitis on the Left from not nursing on that side. DUH! Reef is iming me on facebook gotta gooooooo!

Damn Soy Milk.

So once upon a time Lincoln was on rice milk and doing amazing. Then I gave him soy milk. He didn't seem to do well on it and cried at night a bit. Back to rice milk. Did great slept amazing. It's been about 4 weeks and we ran out of Rice milk and he has has soy almost all day about 4 times today. He keeps tossing turning and crying out in his sleep. He wants nothing to do with me. Just keeps screaming "Owww" and "NOOOO!" I HATE when he is uncomfortable. I had a feeling it was the soy last time and he is doing exactly the same thing after drinking straight soy. It doesn't seem to bother him in small amounts in food. hmmmm hate this. :(

Wheat...

Going wheat free... Lots of fruit, veggies, chicken, quinoa, lentils and beans for me. Wish me luck. Going to try at least 2 weeks and hope I see a bigger improvement in Dylan. Cutting out dairy has helped immensley and when I have it. I see blood the next day. It's connected no doubt but his diapers still are not perfect. There is no visible blood. So I know it is not just dairy that he is sensitive to. I have been putting off giving up wheat because it sounds hard and I don't want to fail honeslty. But I know I need to do it. So here it goes... wish me luck and PRAY that this helps Dylan. If it does... food allergies will be solved!

diapers... 25 cents each... or 4 for a dollar!

This picture is from baby in the kitchen review blog... it's not my linky. But cute either way. :) The average cost of a disposable diaper is 25 cents! That makes it about 60-80 bucks a year and just under 2,000 bucks if your wee one is potty trained by 2. That's a lot of shoes, make up, pedicures, nights out at the movies and gas for my car. Okay it's at least enough to pay for the on demand movie I got off our cable box for 4.99 while I paint my own toes in my living room and use a thing of chapstick that my toddler tried to eat but still... that's expensive.

Diapers are expensive! Thank you tax return for allowing me to purchase a few cloth diapers to use at home so that we are saving a little money while helping the world. Your welcome world. :) These things are pretty cool and very cute. They velcro and have no pins wash well and seem much cozier. On Dylan I have noticed the indents the disposables leave on his skin. Looks painful and red even in the correct size! His first try in a cutey baby he took a massive dump. Sorry no other way to put it and it help up very well! :) Looks like it will be cloth diapers at home. Though you really cant even call these things cloth because you will get a flashback of horrible diapers with pins and craziness. This is so not the case here. They are amaz-zah-zing.

Money money money

Nolan comes running up to me very excited... "MOM! I have an idea... BUT WAIT!! Is it illegal to photocopy money?!?" ohhh nolan. smh

bag boy

Just got Nolan a brand new cool outfit so he looks stylin' on the ORANGE CARPET at the NICKELODEON KIDS CHOICE AWARDS and he tells me he also needs a backpack. Me- You can't take a backpack in and he says Nolan-OHHHhhhhh! Okay I'll just take an Albertson's bag in with me. I can't tell you how much I love this silly kid. :)

Flippen Yeast

Dylan smiles and I notice his tongue is a little bit white my gut is telling me it's thrush... my denial and hate for sitting in a peds office tells me it's just a coating of milk on his tongue. day 2 at the baseball field Dylan smiles and in the sun I see that it is in fact a thrush infection and so does the baseball mom he smiles at (who happens to work in a peds office) Happy to have Nystatin oral in an infant dose on deck and that this will go away without a problem... I know that yeast infections can be a disaster to get rid of and I really have enough to do without having to coat my kids mouth in yellow goo 4 times a day for a week and a half. Not to preach any more but yeast infections can also be a sign of food intolerance??? Wheat maybe? I don't know I need to research more but I am thinking that even though the world thinks yeast infections are normal... I don't... I hate yeast and I don't really feel like dealing with it ever again... On the plus side it is a BEAUTIFUL warm day and I think we might pick Nolan up and head to the park. And of course... Happy birthday to my little cousin Griffin. He's a cool kid.

French Toast Sticks.

I am SO mad at myself! I went online and searched all the allergy information for all the places we normally go... just in case I was hungry and on the go. Can't starve yourself while breastfeeding! I noticed that Burger King's French Toast sticks are DAIRY FREE! Wooo Hooo! After standing in line at the mall to meet Rob Dyrdek (who we didn't even get to meet BUT we did see him!) I was starving and the kids had eaten all the snacks that I brought. I kept thinking what can I eat what can I eat! French toast sticks!!! OH YEAH! So I go to Jack in the box and get an order of 5 french toast sticks because they are 'safe' and will fill me up at least until I can unload my car full of kids (I had an extra kid too :D) Within a few hours I notice that Dylan's poop is looking gross and by the next night there is once again blood in his diaper. Here I am 2 days later trying to look up the ingredients of EVERYTHING I have consumed and I found it. BURGER KING HAS DAIRY FREE FRENCH TOAST JACK IN THE CRACK DOES NOT. Ughhh I can't believe in a moment of starvation that I accidently ate dairy and made my milk poison all over again... stupid stupid stupid.

"Wanna rip up our bathroom linoleum?"

Bedtime was right around the corner and we are winding down a hectic day. Taylor and I are sitting on the couch when he asks me "Wanna rip up our bathroom linoleum? It's ripping anyway." SUUUUURE!!!

The problem with this idea was that 1.) We don't have money to have it replaced and 2.) Now we have to take 3 kids to Lowes to find a cheap alternative. So glad we did!

First we tore all the linoleum up and tossed it. We were left with plywood so we sanded down the rough spots and covered it with this tinted primer.

Then we rolled on the indoor/outdoor floor paint. (yes they actually make a paint for this!)

And done! I have been on a hunt to find rugs I like for the bathroom so it's still a work in progress but we are very happy with our floor! It's easy to clean and waterproof. :)

Chalkboard Fridge

So... these past few months have exhausted me and every second of my time wiping noses, changing diapers, carpooling or healing broken bones. Time to do a little of what I love. I have been getting bored with the house and finally have a little time to tackle a few projects while Nolan is at school and the little ones nap! I should take a shower with my "spare time" but this is much more fun!

I knew I wanted something in my house to be chalkboard. I am a list maker and didn't really like the idea of a dry erase board hanging somewhere that I could have a cute piece of art... so after a few months I found this idea online. I wish I can say I thought of it myself! And a shout out to my high school friend Sarah for painting an entire wall with chalkboard paint! You inspired me to go for it... THANK YOU!

BEFORE

This is my "OH CRAP. WHAT AM I DOING?" moment.

The hardest part about this was picking out a piece of chalk!
Nolan was so happy when he got home from school! "It's done!? Can I write on it!?"

And here it is finished. Ready for my grocery lists, things to remember and of course my little munchkins have a place to tag... SO STOP WRITING ON MY WALLS LINCOLN! :)

happy bouncing Dah!!

Dylan chillin in his buddy Preston's swing!! He looked so happy we went out and bought him his own... but Lincoln won't stay out of it.

too much thinking not enough fun...

I am thinking about tackling the playroom soon with something crazy... Huge chalk board trees painted directly on the wall... or.... i don't know but something bold and fun. you only live once right?

WE GOT IT!

Finally got a GI referral for Dylan. I have been hoping and pushing for this for about a month now. I called Dr 2 and told her that since our visit 6 days ago I am still seeing specks of blood in Dylan's stool and she said that she would send out to a referral to GI. She thinks it will be approved in about 2 weeks time. I am very lucky that we are able to have this insurance but I feel like half the time my hands are tied and all that I can do it wait unless I have cash to get these tests done. I am lucky that he is thriving, he is eating well and in the 90th percentile or I would be freaking out even more. I have given up dairy completely and I am frustrated because it isn't working as fast as it I want it to. I am reading that it takes approx 2 weeks to leave your system and another 2 weeks or so before it exits the babies system. I ate In n Out about 2 weeks ago not realizing that even the smallest ammount of dairy can cause Dylan's system to go right back to square one and the healing process would have to start all over again. So it's been 4 weeks... but I can only count 2 of them as dairy free. So in 2 weeks if he is not showing progress than 1.) I am going to be upset and 2.) I will have to eliminate other possible allergens from my diet.

Lincoln is doing really well just being off of dairy. He is still sleeping amazing. He has been sleeping well this entire month though he does wake up occasionally for some rice milk at about 5am or so. I will take that any day over the horrible nights that we used to deal with. I still wonder what else if anything that his system may not tolerate so well. His lymph nodes for the first time since he was a year old have gone from the size of a grape to more of a small marble. I would say that even though it is still there and visible it is half the size and a lot of the other small ones have either dissapeared or shrunk.

Nolan is doing well and hit his first OVER THE FENCE HOMERUN OF A KID PITCHER!!!! I was so upset that I missed it. First game that I decided to take the tired babies home since we had just sat through one of the games Taylor had coached. The day prior we went to Taylor's game and a softball game. I was baseballed out and didn't really feel like wrangling the babies for a 4th game in a 48 hour period. I cried and cried and cried when I heard what he did. I was so proud of him and so mad that I missed it. I could have sat through one more game. I really wish baseball didn't feel like such a chore to me. I just don't think I will ever enjoy it. Too bad for me that if I want to share those moments that Nolan and Taylor are so proud of... I can't miss the games. Nolan was so sweet and offered to give me the ball so I wouldn't be sad. He is such a good kid. :)

Yuck... link needs a diaper change and dylan is hungry!!! Later!! :D

saw dr #2 today

Took Dylan in first thing this morning for the blood in his stool. I was secretly hoping the Dr didn't remember me since last time she pretty much told me I was derpriving my kids of the benefits of milk. I tried to get my insurance's approval to see a new dr. they said no. Today there was no way she could tell me that what was happening to dylan was normal. He has blood in his stool and if she told me again that I was wrong I was going to have a break down in her office. She said the blood was probably from a rash on his bottom and when she checked he clearly does not have a rash. She said he would probably be just fine and sometimes mom's may eat something that upsets the babies system. Then I told her that I brought the diapers for her to look at and when her gloved hangs unfolded the frozen little gifts i brought her she looked at me a little differently. She said "this babies diaper is full of mucus." (that's what i said about 10 times) then she asked how long and I told her AGAIN that it's been almost a month. She looked at the bloody diaper and she said "i need you to cut out all dairy for 3 weeks and call me to tell me how he is doing. This looks like we have a child who is allergic to milk protiens." do you have any idea how badly i wanted to say "DUH!!! I've been trying to tell you guys that!!! Now help me make my baby better!!" But then she said "We will have to wait and see at 6 months to be sure we can't allergy test him before that." and i don't have 6 months to wait around lady. Especially for an allergy test that isn't 100% accurate. So no dairy. That's what we are doing and have been doing. I didn't want to tell her that becuase I realized she is like a man and this needed to be her idea not mine... and I already have one of those I call him my husband. So... I will take this information and move on to the next pediatrician and pray she thinks like a mom... not a man.

sick to my stomach over poop but not in the way you would think...

i knew parenting would be stressful and demanding but never did i think i would actually cry over a poop diaper. dylan's diapers just keep getting worse. tonight as i was changing him i noticed blood in his stool. i dug out a diaper that my color blind huband changed and sure enough it is full of mucus that is bright red. i knew this was coming because in the week and a half that i have not had dairy he hasn't shown too much of an imrovement. i think maybe soy is bothering him too. i spent the morning calling GI's and tryin to see if any in our area are covered by our insurance with a referral. I was able to change pediatricians and that won't take effect until 4-1 and that is 2 1/2 weeks away. this may be able to wait until first thing in the morning but i will not wait until april... no way. i am going to call in the morning since the last dr i changed to seriously blew me off and made me feel like i was crazy for analyzing my kid's stool... i knew it didn't look normal. how bad must his little system be off to actually bleed? If they don't change his dr due to an "emergency" than i guess i work up the courage to walk back into the old peds office and try not to tell her that she is an idiot. PLEASE let them realize that my babies need to see a specialist. This is the same thing i went through with lincoln minus the bleeding. i don't know what else to do. i know something that i am eating is bothering them... and i will figure it out. hoping for a GI appt that gets approved stat. ill let you know how tomorrow goes.

i am going to be a zombie if i don't get some sleep

all that i can think of is food allergies. it is running either in the front or back of my mind and if for a second i forget... lincoln turns his head and i remember. i would do anything to have that swollen lymph node go away. he has been dairy free for 2 weeks. the first week he was on rice milk, juice, fruits, veggies, meat, rice and a few dairy free snacks and doing well. he had lots of healthy options to eat and was actually eating more than normal. his lymph node was finally shrinking a bit. then wic changed our vouchers to soy and its been about a week on soy and the lymph node seems to be swelling a bit again. going back to rice milk. i am finding out that half of the kids with a milk sensitivity also have a soy intollerance of some sort. crossing my fingers this isn't the case... soy is in everything. this is frustrating and i wish i just knew what foods to avoid this guessing game wouldn't be so frustrating. went to farmer's market this am. got a lot of veggies to try. even got linky and nolan to drink carrot juice mixed with oj. that's huge since if either of them could choose they would reach for soda. i have a feeling this is going to be a long process but we are finally on the right track since eliminating milk has for the first time in lincoln's life has allowed him to sleep peacefully. crazy to take dairy away but if you could see what it has done for this kid you would wonder why anyone drinks it. i am really starting to think cow milk was made for baby cows and not humans... what a concept. it's almost 1am and i have been researching GI specialist in the area. there are 4 in murrieta and 3 of them work in the same building. i am going to call tomorrow and see if i can get someone on the phone to see us. i am exhausted and my brain is on allergy overload. i can easily read and google about this subject for hours and hours... whatever it takes... i am on my own little mission. dylan's diapers are back to being discusting and not normal. he is gaining well but so did lincoln. i don't know what is going on with this poor guys system but it's very obvious that like lincoln when he was a baby something i am eating is upsetting his little body pretty badly.

milk protein allergy and things that seriously irritate me.

it frustrates me off that a pediatrician can't help me solve the problem with lincoln's lymph nodes/immune system. i have seen 2 pediatricians that have been sure to let me know that she was the expert and that I had nothing to worry about.. his symtoms are all "normal". What makes me even more mad is that because she is a doctor and therefore smarter than me... I listened to them for a year with a horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach that this wasn't normal even if his blood work said so. In all my research i am realizing that drs/peds are not even trained in food allergies... they go to school to treat and medicate symptoms. not necessarily find out the cause. Well that would have been too easy and save a few thousand dollars, trip after trip to the office, having my kids on a constant stream of antibiotics and even a trip to surgery with lincoln. They are licensed to practice medicine and that is exactly what they do. They find a problem and give you medicine to fix your symptom. I am not saying they don't have a place in your child's health care but I am saying that I have learned a lot. This whole time I know something isn't right. I know that what is happening with my baby isn't normal. Does my baby have cancer in his neck? Some crazy childhood disease or is it nothing to worry about?

Our first visit the pediatrician is sure that she knows this problem of his swollen lymph nodes "He has catch scratch fever." Our cat that is still a "teenager" scratches him every day. Why wouldn't she... Lincoln lays on top of her and tries to pull her tail. She's a good cat but my son's health is more important. each day i look at her starting to hate the poor cat thinking she is making my baby sick. guess what our scratchy cat has been rehomed and the problem persists.

I ask for bloodwork, x-rays and allergy testing. all which come back normal. we are still regulars in the office for ear infections, sinus infections, fevers... you name it. my kids immune system seems horrible. my toddler catches everything... even the swine flu! a year later his swollen lymph nodes are huge and bulging out of his neck... the kid is always sick, constantly on antibiotics,has rings around his eyes, gets ear infections, sinus infections, has chronic fluid in both ears and doesn't sleep through the night (wakes up crying and screaming seeming to be in pain).

i asked if it could be an allergy and i am assured that if the blood tests come back for negative for an allery than he is fine. come to find out late set allergic reactions and many allergies can be present and still not show on that test. seriously how infuriating. finally this dr knew i was going to keep sticking my foot in the door and asking questions. she referred us to an ENT probably to get me to leave her alone. The ENT instead of listing reasons for the swollen lymph node said "come back in 2 months and it has grown we will surgically remove the entire lymph node". Okay... but WHY is it there to begin with???? What is causing this and how come nobody will help me figure it out. On the next the lymph node had grown over 2 cm and now this lymph node brought friends. The large lymph node now had a large neighbor and there was what I would describe as buckshot all inside his little neck on both sides. Now fluid is found in both ears and it's causing his eardrums to bulge. we are hoping we have found the problem. lympadenopathy-caused by fluid in the middle ear- body is fighting ear infections constantly therefore suppressed immune system and swollen glands. A date was scheduled for ear tube surgery. Of course i don't want my baby put under. I cried on the way home and wished and hoped and even prayed that he would be okay.

Lincoln wasn't sleeping well. He never had been a good sleeper and I have tried every method from co-sleeping, crib sleeping, toddler bed, sleeping on the couch, the floor, exhausting him at the park, letting him nap more during the day, putting him on a schedule, letting him sleep with his brother, taking away the bottle at night, the Ferber method all the other methods that actually work in a few weeks for normal healthy children. So many long nights of him screaming inconsolably. I was at the end of my rope. i was exhausted and none of us were sleeping. how can you ever feel rested when you have not had a good nights sleep in a year or more? sometimes he would cry for 20 minutes sometimes 2+ hours of him screaming until he finally would vomit up all his milk. My husband and I screaming at each other every night in the middle of the night because our worry and helplessness has turned into anger. exhausted and frustrated we only had each other to take it out on. Lincoln would toss and turn screaming and finally falling asleep in our bed only to wake up an hour later to start all over again. I couldn't do it anymore. My 2 week old was sleeping better than he was. I was told by his pediatrician "his bad sleeping patterns are because you have brought a new baby into the house and that is traumatic for a toddler" ummm are you deaf lady??? I said he has been a horrible sleeper his whole life.

i start looking for information and i am actually starting to think my toddler has a sleep disorder. Then I am thinking maybe he is having night terrors. He seemed to fit the description: waking up screaming, looks frightened, doesn't want to be held, touched, looked at, it can go on for a long time each night. One web site even went as far as to say to "let your child cry it out and watch from afar so they don't think you are attacking them". Are you kidding me? Hell no am I going to let my baby cry while he is frightened even is he is socking me in the face with his cast (that's a whole nother blog).

the surgery date was finally here and though i was nervous i couldn't help but have hope that this would give him relief from his ear pain and my child could sleep. I let my 20 month old be put under and have both ear drums pierced to insert a ventilation tube that will allow the pressure to regulate and fluid to drain. i was told this will provide "instant relief and he will be a new boy as soon as the anesthesia wears off... no more pain and his ear infections will drop dramatically." it went quickly and he woke up wanting to be in daddy's arms. i was so happy that it was over. i just wanted to get home were i could cuddle him and make sure no noises would bother him. the anesthesia made him sick... and cleaning up milk throw up is disgusting (its something i have had to do many many times and even though i have had a lot of practice... curdled milk barf makes me dry heave) so i gave him juice all day and he slept all night long.. wow... these tubes did it... he's cured. Hes drinking capri sun and he likes it! Capri sun day 2 hardly any milk and the boy sleeps again. Now i see 2 months later that this isn't a coincidence. i don't regret the tubes or the surgery because i do think that this has really helped with his hearing.

The sleepless nights continue and so does my search for answers. I have tried a million things and they have all failed. His problems persist and beyond those first 2 nights after the tubes he is still not sleeping.

Lincoln's surgery follow up at the ENT check up rolls around to make sure that his tubes have healed. The fluid is gone (has been since they drained it the morning of surgery) everything is well beyond healed as far as the ear surgery has gone. His lymph nodes that were supposed to go away are still there. If the fluid in his ear is gone and ear infections are gone why do we still have a problem with his huge swollen lymph nodes. I ask the ENT if it could be dairy. His response was quick "Dairy allergies may or may not be to blame. it very well could be a sensitivity or allergy. Eliminate all dairy and see me in 2 months." I left there excited because I wasn't able to make the life change to go dairy free alone. Now I was being nudged by a professional to eliminate another thing off my "could this be it list". I head to the health food store hoping not to overdraw our account and purchase a few things to try: rice milk and a few dairy free foods, fruits, veggies and meat. THE FIRST NIGHT DAIRY FREE HE SLEEPS ALL NIGHT. I wake up freaking out that something is wrong. Is he alive? We run to check and he is fine. of course i think it's just a fluke... until he sleeps the second night and the third and the fourth and fifth...its been 2 1/2 weeks and i feel like we have found some sort of magic spell. i know by the 3rd morning as i lay there crying that this his diet and his problems are connected. of course it is. i am seeing it work. but i also know how challenging this is going to be for our family that lives on dairy, processed foods and baseball park snack bars. dairy lurks in almost everything we normally consume. time for some major changes.

so much going on...

well... as usual i am busy doing everything and nothing at all. don't judge my spelling or punctuation. lincoln has torn half off the keys off of my keyboard and it is beyond repair. i tried snapping the keys on and some of them did... the rest are in the trash.

so lets go down the list... taylor is coaching and it is keeping him very busy. i find random green and gray baseball clothing all over the house. hanging from kitchen hooks and all over the house. i find trails of dirt in my house from the field in the shape of honey comb all over from the bottom of his turfs. i find lists of things to "fix" with the team along with things they have done well. he is working days and nights and occasionally making up hours along the way. my husband is having an affair with baseball. what's new? it's always been his first love. :) come to think of it, i am the one he is having an affair with. i can't forget that baseball was part of his life long before i came along. he is busy and tired. he is bothered when they lose and happy when they win. i miss him but i must say that his dedication is quite a turn on. i am lucky to have a man that is true to his word. does what he says he will and still makes time for his family. even if that means staying awake to watch Teen Mom and american idol while he is exhausted from a night shift at work, day shift at work, high school baseball, nolan's games and an overly hyper toddler sucking out our energy.

on to the kids... nolan is doing great in school. he is playing another season of baseball and the cat keeps pooping in his room because taylor is too busy to clean the litter. i had some pretty neat ideas for decorating nolan's room but he has taken it upon himself to create a space that he loves. selena gomez, miley cyrus and even the biebs cover his walls along with sports posters and a million stickers that i don't recall saying he can stick to the professionally painted walls but ya know... with 2 little brothers it must be nice for him to have a place he can go to have a little big kid time. now he needs a door so we can keep the little ones out and destroying his legos. and i am sure that will solve the problem with the cat dumping in the corner.


lincoln... oooooh my lincoln. he broke his arm, had a cold and pink eye all in the same week. he is starting to talk quite a bit and one of his favorite phrases is "OHHHH GAWD!". comes complete with an eye roll when you ask him to do something. i have no idea where he got this attitude... certainly not from me. okay well maybe... he is a parrot so i am trying to be a little more careful with what comes out of my mouth. he is a silly kid and i love having him run around the house doing bad things. he makes us laugh about a million times a day.

dylan... my little good boy. he looks like a little old man, he farts louder than i have ever heard a baby fart but his little smile melts my heart. he is so good. only cries for me when he needs something. he is a great sleeper and nurses like a champ. at 2 1/2 months he is already over 15 pounds and in 6-9 months clothes. so sad he is growing up so fast but not sad enough to want another one!

me... hmmmm i am finally able to catch a break after a long week of ear infections, pink eye, colds, fevers and a broken arm. laundry mountain is almost caught up on. i was behind about 15 loads and was actually considering dumping it all out the window rather that actually laundering it, folding it and putting it away. its amazing how many towels and clothing boys go through. i need to get them each their own towel and stress the fact that when you get out of the shower... you should be clean. use your flippen towel more than once and stop leaving wet towels all over the house... sheesh. also... we need to have a lesson on blood. if your nose is bleeding go outside and hover over a bush until it stops... i am done bleaching and scrubbing. a teacher once told me "if it's wet and it's not yours don't touch it." well that doesn't apply when you are a mom. anyway i got to sneak out of the house childless for an hour last night. i bought myself 3 new shirts and a rug for the downstairs. i would love to say that this a a pretty rug that is soft and cozy to step on but its rough and pokey in hopes that it will catch some of the dirt that gets trailed in from the garage. i got contacts yesterday for the first time in about 4 years. i can see and it's amazing. i feel like a rich person. ha... i have been squinting for a long time. headaches because of vision are not fun. i will be able to drive at night without worrying about crashing into something because i can SEE the center divider. i can even see leaves on trees!!! aaaamazing. i love it. :)

Look who's here!

Introducing...

Dylan Timothy George

here he is! 3 boys have sure been keeping me busy... so i haven't been blogging as much as i would like. life with 3 boys is good, smelly and fun. dylan is a great baby. nolan is adjusting well to sharing his family and lincoln just loves his little 'dah'. lincoln wants to hug him and kiss him. dylan sleeps pretty well and doesn't give mommy a hard time. and.... hes crying... gotta go!